Psychic / Life Coach experience

O.K., so I'm back to being all about me again. As I reviewed the last post there were still and inordinate amount of I's anyway. But hell, blogs can be whatever works for you, right? For me the process of writing is also the process of organizing my thoughts. It works for me.

A couple of Wednesdays ago I went to the psychic / life coach my niece introduced me to. I'm not sure what to think. Unlike my experience with the medium, where the information I heard was specific and extremely on target, the information from this person was vague. It was also difficult to distinguish what was a "reading" vs. what was an opinion or advice.

Not that this surprises me. I'm a believer in stuff we can't see and all that, but I'm also pretty sceptical. I think it is fun to explore this stuff, and it certainly doesn't hurt anything to stop and contemplate what's going on inside yourself and in your life compared to what someone says they "see".

The fundamental message was that there is potential for me to find a job and a future that matches my passions, and other satisfying stuff in my life, but there is something from my past that must die and must be put to rest in order for that to happen.

Yeah, I know. The first thing I thought of was Mr. Ex. As any regular reader knows, I swirl around in negativity about him, and it just isn't healthy (See, I realize it! It's the first step to change, right?) However, when I mentioned the resentment I harbor about Mr. Ex she said, "No, it is much deeper than that."

Ugh. Could it be the pattern of surrounding myself with people that can rely on me, but can not be there for me when I need them? Could it be that I need to stop regularly self medicating to avoid really dealing with my feelings? Could it be that .... Ugh. After the reading I felt sick to my stomach and went home and collapsed in bed for several hours. I continually ask myself if I'm depressed because I want to sleep so much, but I honestly don't think it is depression. It's almost like I'm in a cocoon.

I pondered this for two weeks now - on and off. I haven't obsessed over it, though. I've concluded that life is all about moving forward from one lesson to the next and that this "waiting" thing I've been experiencing has been about me being afraid to get out there in the world. The lessons sometimes hurt. I've isolated myself, probably so that I won't get hurt again or abandoned again - not just by Mr. Ex, but by Mr. Whatif, all the "friends" I had in Connecticut, my old friend from work, and at times throughout my life, even my family members. I need to readjust my approach to relationships in general. I need to stop giving myself with reckless abandon and assuming that others will do the same. I love unconditionally, which I think is a good thing, but I also need to be cautious about who I give to and how much.

The affair, the divorce, the move, mom's death, the flood, the weight gain, the weight loss... I think they were hard lessons designed to show me that I'm strong and capable. That I don't need anyone to be satisfied and happy. Maybe I had to go through all of that so that my future relationships will be healthier and that I won't make the same mistakes again.

I guess I'm on my way. Like the way tides come in and out gradually, my transition to the next phase is happening. I'm aware and I'm ready to see how well I can adjust my own behaviors as I proceed into the future.

Next weekend my niece and I are going to go to a local bar/restaurant that we discovered a couple of weekends ago. It is an upscale Mexican place very near here, and also near (but not inside) a very upscale resort and spa. The margaritas were fantastic. Ironically, she and I were both thinking that place was a good place to go again, but we hadn't talked about it. Part of both or our hesitation was that the place isn't as budget friendly as we both would like. God bless her, my niece called to see if they have any happy hours. Turns out they are just starting one this coming weekend! Woo Hoo!

I'm going to get out with another single woman. How novel of me! I'm going to get out more after that, too.

I feel the change happening. I'm going to finally let go. I think this cocoon is just starting to to transform. Not quickly, but slowly and gracefully.